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Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, by Mark Goulston
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Title: Get Out of Your Own Way( Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior) Binding: Paperback Author: MarkGoulston Publisher: PerigeeBooks
- Sales Rank: #3501505 in Books
- Published on: 1996
- Number of items: 2
- Binding: Paperback
Most helpful customer reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
What I was looking for...sort of.
By Gucci
I am a pretty typical procrastinator coupled with a possible fear of success or failure or something...havent figured it all out yet, but this book was helpful. I liked it, its a keeper and I will definitely pick it up from time to time. It was easy to read, got to the point and was somewhat throught provoking. It gave clear examples of what 'lesson' was trying to be taught.
I do wish there was just a tiny bit more insight on some of it. Seems almost 'shallow' (which is coming out harsher than meant to be) becuase some of the issues discussed in the book hit right on the money, however it did not always have a lot of in depth detail on HOW to overcome certain things. I read certain parts and thought ' ok, that's me. how do I overcome it' reading on, I suppose I was looking for some specific directions, which isnt exactly realistic. I needed to figure that out on my own. Eventually the book's pages lead me to analyze more of my behavior and figure out how to get around doing some of the annoying things I do. I'm still a work in progress, but the book DID help and it DID open my eyes to some behaviors, how to avoid them and a different outlook.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A must read
By karma
I'm not a book reader but this is a great book. I had a bad friendship and I needed to understand why it was going so wrong after 10 yrs. i was able to understand more about myself and others. What to look for and not in a friend.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
How to avoid or overcome self-defeating behavior
By Robert Morris
As I began to read this book, I recalled the core concepts in The Knowing-Doing Gap co-authored by Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton. Briefly, they assert that "so many managers know so much about organizational performance, say so many smart things about how to achieve performance, and work so hard, yet are trapped in firms that do so many things they know will undermine performance." Many (most?) people have a "gap" between knowing what to do and doing it, not only at work but in all other areas of their lives. How to close this gap? Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg believe that a self-defeating attitude results in self-defeating behavior...and I agree.
Goulston and Goldberg identify 40 different examples of self-defeating behavior and briefly discuss each, also including relevant quotations and a "Usable Insight" for each. I immediately identified with several (as will other readers) and, after reading "10 Things You Can Learn from Each" and then the Introduction: "How to Beat Self-Defeat," zeroed in on caught my eye. Here are five:
#6 Behavior: Getting So Angry When you Make Things Worse
Comment: I have far more patience with others' mistakes than I have with my own and really become upset when others are somehow victimized by what I have said or done, albeit unintentionally.
Usable Insight: "Anger makes you wild, but conviction makes you strong." Perhaps.
#16 Behavior: Trying to Change Others
Comment: Psychologists call this the "Rescue Fantasy." It can also be an indication of arrogance. Whatever the explanation, I hate to give up on anyone and become very upset with those who give up on themselves.
Usable Insight: "Don't try to change people; accept them as they are and hope they'll change." Easier said than done, especially with loved ones.
#18 Behavior: Talking When Nobody's Listening
Comment: I wish I had a $10 bill for every time I totally lost the attention of someone in a conversation without realizing it and and continued to babble on.
Usable Insight: "When people stop listening, stop talking."
#25 Behavior: Refusing to "Play Games"
Comment: Although I realize that playing several "games is inevitable (e.g. pretending to enjoy encountering someone in a social situation that you dislike intensely), and that each has its own "rules," I much prefer candor.
Usable Insight: "The best defense against game-playing is to play the game well." OK but only so long as, when doing so, others are not deceived...or their trust betrayed.
#31 Behavior: Holding It All In
Comment: This is a first cousin of #19. Too often, I am reluctant to express either positive or negative emotions in an effort to seem under control in charge, and (yes) vulnerable. When described as a "tough read," I accept that as a compliment.
Usable Insight: "Having the horror heard helps to heal the heart." That's certainly alliterative but, in my opinion, ignores the perils of increasing compression that exacerbates pressures that are already building up.
Goulston and Goldberg offer an abundance of sound advice. It remains for each reader to determine which of the self-defeating behaviors are most relevant to her or him, then make whatever behavior adjustments may be necessary. The authors suggest that the book be read straight through. I chose to take a different approach. Either way is fine. It is imperative to read "10 Things You Can Learn from Each" and then the Introduction: "How to Beat Self-Defeat" first. The extent to which a reader is receptive to improvement of mindset and behavior will determine whether reading this book is a journey of meaningful self-discovery or an extended exercise in self-delusion. Reader's choice.
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